Often an innocent phrase “Let’s change the wallpaper!” starts many years of an overhaul with redevelopment. Of course, every family wants to make their house the most beautiful, comfortable and modern. However, there is a danger of dreaming and jumping beyond financial possibilities. And this is one of the reasons for possible conflicts.
Why Do Scandals Flare up so Often?
Scandals, quarrels and mutual discontent during the repair are quite understandable and often very banal. They usually revolve around the choice of colors, materials, and process organization. And when the emotional state of two loving people reaches the boiling point, even the way of using a stud finder may provoke the greatest conflict in the history of your family.
And after a while the participants in the conflict are surprised and with full confidence declare that such a trifle is not a reason for such a tragedy. After all, a strong, united family, where everyone is happy and satisfied, is more important than the modern shade or speed of applying putty. But at moments of scandals, the value system seems to be turning around, and the smallest trifle can be the reason for a real war.
The reason lies in the fact that repairs and household issues are litmus paper. It makes explicit the problems, contradictions and unresolved matters that are inside the relations of the pair, but they preferred not to pay attention to them.
However, do not start to panic! This does not mean that repair is necessarily a tragedy in the house. On the contrary – you can rejoice! After all, if you clearly see the weaknesses in your relations, it means that it will be possible to strengthen them and make them better, warmer and stronger.
Repair in the House Is a Team Game
The family is a kind of team, that is, people who have gathered to overcome different life difficulties because it is easier to do it together than singly. However, in the process of repair, one suddenly realizes that with only my strength it would be, perhaps, easier than with such a company.
So if your family has not yet formed as a team, then even the shape of the door handles or the bend of the chandelier can become a bone of contention.
The most common causes of team problems include the following situations:
- someone feels that his interests are ignored, and desires are not important;
- the team does not develop mechanisms for resolving disputes;
- it is not clear who is in charge and who is responsible for the final decisions.
These strategic moments are masked for the most innocent reasons. So let’s try to sort out the main reasons for the quarrels during the repair and ways of overcoming them.
The Main Reasons for Quarrels
“I Know Better How to Do It!”
You have not solved the question of who is in charge on the house. Remember what happens to the car, if the passenger starts to grab the wheel or constantly command the driver? Yes, a risky situation is created. In everyday matters, everything is by parity of reasoning: if there is no understanding of who is driving at what point, the risk of scandals and grievances is very high.
To solve this problem, you need to distribute the responsibility zones. Leadership can be variable. Determine in advance which of you is internally ready to lead, and in which areas.
“You’re Doing Wrong!”
If any question flares up to the scale of an international scandal, then you do not know how to conflict properly. Many people think that conflicts are a sign of bad relations. This is a big mistake!
So, you need to know how to argue correctly. The right argument is not a scandal, it’s a negotiation. And the main goal of the talks is for both sides to be satisfied. This requires time and attention to find the options that suit both.
“It Will Never End!”
What looks like laziness, in 99% of cases is the lack of personal interest. One of the couple does not see the sense for himself/ herself personally.
For example, the decision to make repairs was made seemingly on the family council, but, to be honest, a lot of struggle and manipulation was carried out beforehand, so for the victim of pressure, it was already easier to agree.
To get out of the problem, it is needed to discuss the situation with the family. Give everyone time and opportunity to listen to themselves and understand what they really do not like. To raise enthusiasm with the help of force is a completely useless thing.
Relationships and Repairs: The Three Main Rules
If you want to start repairing your apartment/house in the near future, set three rules for yourself on how not to escalate a conflict with your spouse.
A wise woman, a flexible man. Any man by nature is an invader, and he will in any case always insist on his own. Therefore, the advice to women is to be smarter, do not bring the matter up to quarrel. The advice to men is almost the same – even if you really want to insist on your own, give in at least little things.
Adequate repair begins with a plan. Spend the whole day discussing future repairs. Discuss everything, even the smallest details, from the modern trends you want to follow up to the shape and location of the switches! Write down and draw everything that you have discussed.
Let the man feel the power, and the woman – the creative talent and indispensability. Repair still requires a solid male hand, as well as creative and innovative solutions, which sometimes only the female brain is capable of. Let the man decide what and where you will buy, and the woman will help only with the choice of color, shape, and decor. Therefore, it is necessary to use the potential and abilities of everyone, directing them to a peaceful channel.
Saving Your Relations: Practical Tips to Follow in Your Repairs
We have developed some tips so that the repair in your home turns into an exciting common business, and not the first step on the way to court with a divorce application.
- As a rule, repairs are carried out on the initiative of one person. It turns out that the member of the family who is the initiator of the repair should psychologically prepare the rest.
- Before starting repair, it is important to unite and feel the common “spirit of the family”, set a common goal.
- You need to start with planning.
- It is important to meet each other interests and make repairs a common cause that will unite the family.
- The house is our island of tranquility in a world of stress. During the repair, the house itself becomes stressful, so you do not need to “drag” additional problems from work.
- Turn your sensitivity to the maximum, try to feel each other’s mood.
- Remember that repair is always a striving for the better, albeit through stressful situations. Only you decide whether it will be an occasion to destroy your relationship or the opportunity to connect you even more.